“Anything Goes” -- Cole Porter
Irving Fisher was a man of many talents, a master of economic theory, statistical methodology, and master mathematician. He laid the foundation for much of the modern economic system. Even today, nearly nine decades after Fisher published his last major work, any discussion of the methods by which goods are produced, distributed, and consumed would be incomplete without mention of his contributions.
Even so, except for those few who traffic in arcane academic economics, poor Mr. Fisher is best remembered for one unfortunate prediction uttered on 21 October 1929: "Stock prices have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau." The third day following this optimistic proclamation, 24 October 1929 has entered the history books as "Black Thursday," the first day of the Great Depression. From a record high only a month earlier, the Dow Jones Average would lose 90% of its value before hitting bottom early the following July. Tens-of-millions around the world lost homes, jobs, and hope. Another early casualty of the Crash was Fisher’s reputation.
Hundreds of thousands of American lived in crudely-constructed shantytowns
known as Hoovervilles for the former president most Americans blamed for their misfortune. This photo was taken of a Hooverville in Seattle, Washington on 16 July 1934)
In addition to an uncanny ability to write astonishingly fabulous music, Cole Porter possessed a nearly unparalleled talent for disguising pain with humor, and his generation would great need of that skill. In his wonderfully hilarious 1934 “Anything Goes,” Porter expertly needles his generation’s “One Percent” in a style on a Philistine could fail to appreciate.
An introduction to the various notables who inhabit “Anything Goes” seems suitable before I present the lyrics.
The controversial and sharped-tongued Mae West was the Depression Era’s sexest sexpot. She was the original “bad girl” who embraced the role with gusto:”When I’m good, I’m bad. When I’m bad, I’m better.” West’s outspoken bawdy wit and penchant for salacious double entendre earned the attention of many a puritanical critic, often seemingly amusing more than distressing the actress. Her very first Broadway play, the suggestively titled Sex, which in addition to headlining she penned was risqué three act show populated with pimps, prostitutes, and sailors. The police raided the set, and the star was convicted of obscenity. West used the scandal to attention to her promote her career. She would remark on those who sought to check her extravagant nature: "I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it."
Evalyn Walsh McLean was a well-known American socialite, owner of both the Hope Diamond and the Star of the East, and former wife of Washington Post owner Mister “Ned” McLean. Shortly after the Russian Revolution, Missus McLean had visited the new Soviet Union where, apparently, the heiress received a warm welcome from the proletariats.
Max Gordon began in vaudeville before achieving fame as a Broadway Producer. He would later move on to the movies. John D. Rockefeller Jr., heir to the Standard Oil fortune, possessed wealth sufficient to guard against the worst ravages of the Depression. It was he who funded and built Center Theatre where Gorgon’s The Great Waltz debuted shortly before this song was released.
The Vanderbilts were once the richest family in America. In 1877, the family fortune exceeded in value the total sum held by the US Treasury. The family businesses suffered severe setbacks during the Great Depression and had vanished mid-century. The Whitneys are another family of American bluebloods which too suffered in the Depression although their wealth, while reduced in size, survived. The Vanderbilt and the Whitney lines crossed in 1896 with the marriage of Gertrude Vanderbilt Whitney to Harry Payne Whitney. The fallout of that union merits further discussion, but this is not that story.
Russian-born beauty Anna Sten had already achieved success on stage and screen in her native land and Germany. Her German films won the attention of movie mogul Samuel Goldwyn who thought to groom her into the next Greta Garbo. After two years of tutoring in English, Sten debuted as the title character in Goldwyn’s Nana only months before “Anything Goes” was recorded. Unfortunately, Polish-born Goodwyn was the only person to find Sten’s English comprehensible.
Some people are fascinating regardless of the era in which they live. The sometimes horrifyingly, sometimes delightfully eccentric Elsie de Wolfe was such a person. A highly in the most fashionable salons on both sides of the Atlantic, de Wolfe was unconventional even where unconventional was the norm. Making only slight effort to hide her lesbianism from the circles in which she travelled might have been shocking to many in that era, de Wolfe still managed to startle her fellow beautiful people, when, at the age of 60, she married the press attaché for the British Embassy in Paris, Sir Charles Mendl. The marriage was merely a legal fiction, a mariage à raison. The couple entertained together, but lived apart. Yet the marriage benefitted both: She had the wealth he desired, and he had the title she desired. Once wed, Elsie de Wolfe became Lady Mendl. At age 80, Lady Mendl described her exercise routine as doing somersaults and handstands or walking on her hands. Porter found Lady Mendl’s workout program so amusing as to merit mention in “Anything Goes.”
No song about the Great Depression would pass muster without, at the least, a passing reference to the 32nd president and the ever amazing Eleanor Roosevelt. Even before becoming the most controversial and perhaps the most worthy First Lady in American history, Missus R was never shy about speaking her mind, and husband Franklin wisely accepted her for what she was. In print and broadcast, over the course of her entire adult life, she had shared her opinions with all would read, all who would listen. The year Porter penned “Anything Goes,” Eleanor Roosevelt received compensation from Simmons Bedding Company for praising their products on her NBC radio program. Conspiracy theory and bigotry has always found a welcome home on political fringes, and both then and now, far right opinion viewed Eleanor Roosevelt earning money somehow corrupt -- they just “know it.”
Times have changed
And we've often rewound the clock
Since the Puritans got a shock
When they landed on Plymouth Rock
If today
Any shock they should try to stem
'Stead of landing on Plymouth Rock
Plymouth Rock would land on them
In olden days, a glimpse of stocking
Was looked on as something shocking
But now, God knows
Anything goes
Good authors, too, who once knew better words
Now only use four-letter words
Writing prose
Anything goes
If driving fast cars you like
If low bars you like
If old hymns you like
If bare limbs you like
If Mae West you like
Or me undressed you like
Why, nobody will oppose
When ev'ry night the set that's smart is
Intruding at nudist parties
In studios
Anything goes
When Missus Ned McLean (God bless her)
Can get Russian reds to "yes" her
Then I suppose
Anything goes
When Rockefeller still can hoard
Enough money to let Max Gordon
Produce his shows
Anything goes
The world has gone mad today
And good's bad today
And black's white today
And day's night today
And that gent today
You gave a cent today
Once had several chateaus
When folks who still can ride in jitneys
Find out Vanderbilts and Whitneys
Lack baby clothes
Anything goes
When Sam Goldwyn can with great conviction
Instruct Anna Sten in diction
Then 'Nana' shows
Anything goes
When you hear that Lady Mendl standing up
Now turns a handspring landing up-
On her toes
Anything goes
Just think of those shocks you've got
And those knocks you've got
And those blues you've got
From that news you've got
And those pains you've got
(If any brains you've got)
From those little radios
So Missus R., with all her trimmings
Can broadcast a bed from Simmons
Cause Franklin knows
Anything goes
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